How to Feel Better About Your Love Life

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One of my favorite books is Esther and Jerry Hicks’s book Money, and the Law of Attraction. The law of attraction book series written by this amazing couple was the inspiration for the bestselling book and video The Secret. One of the main lessons of Esther and Jerry Hicks’s book is that if you want to change circumstances in your life, you must first change your thoughts, which will in turn change your feelings. You have to retell your story as you want it to be rather than as you are experiencing it now. is advice is especially important when applying it to your love life because we often bring our past experiences into our present life by rehashing stories, mulling over what went wrong, and being hypervigilant in new situations so that we won’t be hurt and disappointed again.


If you want different results in your love life, you have to change the story that you are currently telling to yourself and to other people.

It may feel strange and somewhat fake at first, but changing the way you talk about your love life is the only way you are going to align your attitude, spirit, and the abundance of the Universe to bring you what your heart most desires.

I am not asking you to go around telling people outright lies about your love life. (Cuckoo, anyone?) Rather, whenever you have the chance to share your “story” in some way, choose to feel good about your love life and attract to yourself what you want. For example, if you see a romantic restaurant that you’d love to go to with a boyfriend, say to yourself, “I can’t wait to go there one day with my partner.” And then instead of waiting for a man to invite you there, get dressed up, make a reservation, and go there yourself. While there, consider all the menu items you and your partner would order. You can take it one step further and even order meals for both of you, and take the leftovers home. It may sound a little wacky but visualization combined with an authentic belief in the possibility of receiving what you want are surefire ways to bring what you want to you.

On the other hand, the woman who is determined to be overly realistic and “tell it like it is” ends up with a sad story that sounds like this when she passes that same restaurant: “I wish I could go there, but I don’t have anyone to go with. I’m single and all my girlfriends are either too busy with their men, bitter, or broke. All the men I know are too lazy or disinterested to accompany me to a place like that. I guess I’ll never go.” Retell the story of your love life and genuinely feel good about it even before you’ve experienced it.

Even if this exercise seems silly, weird, or ludicrous to you, suspend your disbelief and try to have fun with it. Taking the time to sit down and retell your love story is especially helpful if you are feeling dissatisfied and confused in your love life, wondering where all the men are, why other people get their happy endings and yours keeps eluding you.

Note: do not include a long list of must-haves and dealbreakers. Instead, affirm the traits and experiences you hope to have. Focus on what you want. Feel good about it. Believe that you can have it. Make it your new story in your mind and in your actions—and one day, you’ll look up and realize it has actually come true.

Life is Your Magic Genie. Name Your Wish.


Focus on what you want rather than what you do not want. Envision getting what you want as vividly as you can.

What is one trait or experience you envision for your next relationship?

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Walker's Legacy is a growing global women in business collective founded to establish networks of empowerment and access for women of color in business.