Six Ways to Get to Know Yourself Better


We’ve all heard that getting to know yourself is good for the mind, body, and soul. It’s also one of the secrets to unleashing your sexy.

Here are several ways to help you be more self-aware:

1. Journal regularly.

When you get excited about an idea or have a spark of inspiration, resist the urge to research online (I know about this temptation to impulsively “research” because I am the Queen of Nonsense Googling), call someone at random (“Hey, Grandma! I know you’re taking a bath, but I’ve had an epiphany that I must share with you!”), or broadcast your thoughts through social media. e same goes for when you have a problem or a nagging doubt. Before reaching outside, reflect upon it with yourself through journaling. Eventually, you will become your own best friend and thought partner.

2. Meditate and/or pray daily.

Sit in a quiet room in a comfortable position, close your eyes, and quiet your mind. Whenever your mind starts to chatter and wander, return your attention to your breathing. Do this every day for ten minutes and experience the calming “everything is going to be okay” e?ects of taking time to slow down, be quiet, and receive information from your inner voice.

3. Join a support group or go to counseling if you have been struggling with an unresolved issue.

We all have real-life stories that feature monsters, witches, and dragons that may have harmed us psychologically, physically, emotionally, financially, or spiritually. No matter how dramatic or painful your particular story, you will never experience the freedom that comes with taking responsibility for your own life and your own happiness if you are stuck in the past. Get the professional help you need to heal and move on from past traumas. Trying to “fix yourself” by reading self-help books (even one as good as Be Your Own Boyfriend) can’t substitute help from a licensed practitioner coupled with a structured support group.

4. Get insight into your personality.

Read books that relate your personality type to other facets of your life (i.e., career choice, relationship dynamics, etc.) For years, I saw myself as this wildly di?erent, unknowable, unpredictable person. When I took an adaptation of the Myers Briggs Type Indicator test, I learned that I was an ENFP (extroverted intuitive feeling perceiver). Reading personality test results that described me in detail gave me a tremendous sense of comfort. I wasn’t as crazy as I thought! I was just a certain “type” of person, and there were millions of other people in the world just like me. It also gave me a lens through which I could understand other parts of myself, including the kinds of jobs I was best suited for and the kinds of people I was most compatible with for friendship and romance.

5. Ask your friends, family, and mentors to describe your greatest strengths and weaknesses.

Remember to accept their opinions with an open heart and open mind without letting their feedback inflate or deflate your sense of self too much. Pay attention to your immediate reactions and how you feel about the feedback you receive. Sometimes your reaction to the feedback you get reveals more about you than the feedback itself.

6. Remove yourself from your everyday environment.

It’s easy to think of yourself in relation to the people and responsibilities you have in your life. “I am so-and-so’s daughter, sister, mother, boss, employee, etc.” or “I am a graduate of this college, belong to this or that race, class, religion, etc.” While all of the aforementioned qualities are parts of your life experience, your roles, responsibilities, degrees, and creed do not define you. Who you are is what is le when all of society’s labels and expectations fall away and you are free to just be. Give yourself the opportunity to see the person you become if you travel forty or 4,000 miles away.

See how you feel when you spend a day in an unfamiliar part of town. Even if you have a very demanding job, make the e?ort to eat an atypical meal for lunch in a di?erent area of the o?ce building. Notice if you relate to people di?erently that you normally would. is could be a usually hidden part of you taking the opportunity to make herself known.


A routine is not the same as an identity. Break out of your routine to uncover your true identity.

When you step into your “alternative identity,” you may notice that you are more relaxed, calm, creative, open-minded, friendly, or courageous. Mindfully bring whatever desirable elements you experienced during that “time o?” of being your usual self into your everyday identity. The way we think, speak, act, dress, spend our time, and interact with our environment are all elements that contribute to our identity. If there is something about your public persona that doesn’t make you feel like your best self, feel free to release that belief or behavior and change it.


The ?rst step to knowing what you want is knowing who you are. Dedicate time to get to know yourself and get clear on what you want.

Which self-awareness tip will you incorporate into your life first? Or which one have you incorporated already?


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Walker's Legacy is a growing global women in business collective founded to establish networks of empowerment and access for women of color in business.